The promise between two people should have three main things as a pillar in a relationship which is love, respect and support.
What is the use, he loves you very much but you only have a slight feeling over him. The exact word, sympathy. You push yourself to love this very generous, kind and humble man until finally he had really believe that you love him, but it is not. You don't want him to put any more hope, suddenly you realized that you need to end it. You felt terribly sorry for him and then you left him.
Without words, without any signs.
How could you ? How could you after all the years had passed ? All his efforts. He was there when you are in trouble, willing to help. He was there when you are sad, when nobody is around, when you did not want your parents to know about it, when you need someone to talk to, after the creator. He was there to cherish you, to make you laugh, to make you smile.
The memory, the conversations, all gone now.
I, during my school year, I always surrounded by people, my own friends who are often involved in discipline problems, and to be truth, I once used to be expelled from school haha only my close friends know this, and we had promised ourselves to never telling people about it. But I, spilled the beans over here, hahaha who cares ? Nah but so sorry girls, I wont tell you the reason why and please do not ask.
Since that year, I try to change myself. Live life as a better person who can benefits other people. I focused on my studies, aiming for better result and alhamdulillah, I do quite well. I got 7A in PMR not to be brag about it, I am just sharing my experience. For SPM, I got 8A but I never got an A for math's subject. But if you have good result in school but cannot strive for A in university year, what is the point ? mmmm why the heck Im telling you this ? Omagad.
The point is, I change myself because I want to have a good person to have me. Not that the one I left for is not good enough, I do noticed his intention towards me is beyond what I could ask for, willing to see my parents to ask my hand in marriage but I am sorry. I am not ready yet to have a commitment. My own room would be in disaster everyday if I felt like I dont want to do anthing that day so I cant see any points of being married to someone and bear the responsibilities as a wife when I cant properly utilize myself ?
I believe that Allah wont give anyone something unless he or she is ready to accept it.
I let you to have 2 options, whether to wait for me or you can have another woman marrying you. If you want to wait, just wait. I will tell you when I feel that I am ready. But if you think that you cannot wait any more longer, then I accept the facts that we dont have any jodoh to be together. I redha if you choose the second option.
I will strive for A in DEGREE, huh insha Allah. Pray for me girls.
That is all for today entry, maybe when I read this again after two or three years ahead, I will laugh haha maybe with someone beside me cuddling. Omagad seriusly ? HAHA till then, assalamualaikum.